Is there anything more glorious on this planet than a fat, milk-fed baby? I submit that there is not. I recently got to spend the weekend with one such glorious baby belonging to these two Anam Caras (soul friends – you should read this book about what that means) and I am better for it.
At seven-months-old, said glorious baby was shaped exactly like a perfect dollop of whipped cream.
She was the tip top of a snowy mountain.
She was an oblivious angel.
She was embodied delight.
She was so squish-delish that I didn’t know whether to eat her or pour her in my decaf coffee instead of the gross raw eggs her mom kept trying to push on me (Kadi, I don’t care if it’s healthy, it looks like a loogie).
This glorious baby, whose head was, no joke, larger than my own, filled me up with so much joy that I did what I always do when I experience something I love — try to figure out how to BECOME THE GOODS.
You’ve heard of biohacking? No thanks. Let’s talk babyhacking. Like, what IS IT about them? Why are they the exact opposite of insecure? Why do their heads bobble like perfect comedy? Why do they give kisses with their mouths and eyes wide open and we think it’s adorable instead of gross? Why are they suddenly dancing so well in so many internet videos? Why do we keep having them when they are such living nightmares, cry on airplanes and steal our sleep, plus brain cells, plus time, plus skin elasticity?
Before you come at me with biological imperatives, what I really want to know is:
How do they remind us of all that is good and pure and worth protecting as well as living for?
I’ve got answers. Honestly, I’ve been taking notes for years.
For one, until somewhere between seven to nine months, they don’t know they are an individual and separate human being. Like, developmentally. They don’t quite understand that they are alive in this world and this world is not them and their body is not their mama’s body. They may even think all bodies are their body and/or their mama’s body. Can you imagine what it would really be like to see everybody else and the whole world as yourself, yourself, yourself? Not because someone at church told you to, or to attain a standard of righteousness, but just because you don’t know any better?
IMAGINE IT!
Actually, as a perfectly dumb-yet-all-knowing baby, you wouldn’t even have a concept of self, just a sense of aliveness — just a sense of all life sort of throbbing and coalescing as a unified organism and there you are floating along with all of it — another piece of sparkling foam on the never-ending waves.
Foam has no fear. Foam has no bills to pay. Foam has no trust issues. Foam isn’t wondering what you’re thinking about it or making plans to get ahead. Foam just is. Babies just are.
Babies also just stare at people. They DO NOT LOOK AWAY. You catch their eye, and they’re gonna lock in. None of the hurt human tendencies we’re all carrying have manifested yet, so they’re just there for your show, whatever you wanna give ‘em. I know some of you, even many of you, out there have had your soul seen and lit up by a glorious baby. For an infinite moment, it makes you believe everything, or at the very least, that telepathy is real.
As part of my commitment to babyhacking I decided to adopt this particular behavior on my journey home. From Minneapolis to Denver to SLC, I thought of myself as a fat, unaffected baby. I had nothing to doubt and nothing to hide. Walking through the crowded airport, I made myself look directly into the eyes of every person I passed.
It was…not comfortable, to say the least. At first I was very afraid. My stomach hurt and had butterflies at the same time. Almost every single person looked away after the first half second. I suspect I may have appeared more like a sociopathic, potential killer than pure, loving baby, but no matter — after ten solid minutes of babyhacking, I FELT GREAT.
My body was suddenly so much looser. My steps suddenly so much bouncier. My level of inner fear went wayyyy down. It made me wonder for how long I’ve been the one looking away from others first. Or worse, not even looking or curious about eyes a all. Not free like foam in the togetherness ocean, but locked away in a mind-made prison of separate, of other, of me versus the world.
So……sign up for my $19.99 babyhacking class today. It takes place all over text and is taught by ChatGPT. Plus, if you sign up in the next 29 minutes I will discount the class to $1.99 and throw in my posing guide and Teethkiss.
Just kidding, none of those things are happening. HOWEVER, here are the happs:
A totally free webinar NOT about babyhacking is going down here on December 19th. It’s about marketing honestly, and probably something more soulful that I’ll sneak in. Follow the link to sign up.
Teethkiss The Class is going down January 12th to February 9th. We have ONE Fab Four seat left, a few Live seats and infinite Silent Seats, because that’s how Silent Seats work. If you missed the sale I just ran on TK The Class, well, I feel sorry for you because it’s expensive again. HINT: catch the free webinar and you might get lucky.