Y'all, as much as I want to give myself to this space, this weekend I have wanted to give myself to pleasure more. My bestie, whom I do not get to see enough, came to town and...
We dedicated the weekend to LIVING.
We drank up every drop we could, connecting with our Utah soul family. We had talks and a farm visit and thrifting and wine and a paint night and a river day and a hot tub soak and all the good magic that passes between the hearts of friends flowing with life's toughness and its beauties.
We are going to use our last precious hours before she gets on an airplane to eat what I hope is a damn good vegan meal, but I'm not actually vegan like she is so, like, no guarantees, you know? I have my attachments and I'm pretty sure I'll also be ordering fries.
Vegans reading this are probably rolling their eyes all, "duh, we eat fries. We eat all kinds of delicious stuff."
I know, I know. I'm just trying to tell you that I'm happy. And I'm not perfect and you don't have to be either and isn't that a relief? And wherever you are, I hope you can find the sweetness. That finding this sweetness in harmony with all the work and hard shit and loving and enduring we do is a fight and a rebellion in itself.
As much as it is a privilege.
"Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and being alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You have to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes too near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself that you tasted as many as you could."
— Louise Erdrich
Off to taste apples.
Maybe I'll meet you there.
xx,
Yan