Yan Solo vs Yan Skywalker
Yan River Peach Poem Begins!
I am embarrassingly proud of my ability to get by on less than most.
It's the product of a certain kind of self discipline and the sort of understanding of hunger that is born from both experience and choice.
‘I didn’t grow up with a lot ’ - I make sure to mention casually.
Or
‘I'm one of ten kids - we had to get used to it.’
Or
‘I can sleep anywhere.’
Or
‘I fast every Sunday.’
Or
‘I have shot all of my work on just two cameras, and two lenses.’
Every single one is a (hard won) humility flex. Which is arguably the biggest ego trip of them all.
And you know what people hate a lot?
Flexing your virtue.
I once gave a talk at a creative camp about how nobody likes Luke skywalker, because we’re all obsessed with Han Solo.
I called myself Yan Solo and showed a picture of me in a white shirt and a vest.
But somewhere along the path of the natural evolution of consciousness, I turned into a Luke Skywalker. I’m not even sure how it happened, I just looked down one day and there I was in all whites. (This is a lie. I know exactly how it happened but that's not the point right now).
Is Luke Skywalker a “hero?” Sure, but he’s a little too squeaky behind the ears for us to trust him. He has our love and respect. But we can’t seem to give him our hearts.
yan skywalker
Luke kisses his sister, you guys. He doesn't know his dad is the villain. He is on a healing journey to integration and he is CONFUSED. People do weird ass stuff when they don't acknowledge and make space for their shadow.
But Han Solo? That guy’s got a temper. That guy steals stuff. That guy is besties with a Wookie. We love him because we can see our imperfect selves in him. And we can let ourselves believe we don’t have to be perfect in order to do something brave and great.
I love the sky, its true! But for the sake of the heart I've really tried to not let it get THAT Yan Skywaker bad. I make intentional space where my shadow dances. I’m just a lot more private about it than I used to be.
Which is why I worry some about my public facing self seeming so misleadingly pure. Is it true that I am genuinely obsessed with truth and beauty and fighting for wonder, magic, justice and healing for all????
Yeah. Super big time. It's obnoxious. My kids are SO ANNOYED WITH ME ALL THE DAMN TIME.
But as my last newsletter stated, I’m also quite a bit of a self centered asshole who refuses to over give or over deny myself for anybody.
It can appear confusing.
Here’s the catch. I believe that self centered, asshole part of me makes me (and you) holy. I believe our holiness lives in our humanity. I believe the two belong together and that most of the major trauma In the world is caused by trying to dominate, control and keep them apart.
(And maybe so did George Lucas?)
I believe that most of what feels good is somehow for us within an appropriate context and balance. And that the sooner we recognize that, the sooner we can come into right relationship with it all.
I'm lucky I feel this way. It's a sort of innate shamelessness. Not everyone comes wired for it. And sometimes our life experiences crosses our wires very early on.
This shameless part of me is the part that really believed making out with boys was probably fine even tho my church told me it made me unworthy. Its the part of me that knew I was whole and loved by my god even in the exact moment that same church told me I wouldn't be allowed to serve a mission (which 20 year old me DESPARATELY wanted to do) because I had once been in love with a woman.
Again, I was lucky. I trusted my ‘sin,’ (heart). I have a lot of friends who grew up in similarly conservative faiths that were far more wounded by their attempted indoctrinations.
But I digress.
The point is, I believe in imperfection and pleasure. I believe it is a path to god as much as any. I believe this path is part of my (our) destiny. I believe in its ability to heal and transform us both as individuals and a culture.
Paradoxically, deepening my ability for unrepressed pleasure is a huge part of why I need/want less.
🧐 Understanding and participating in true satisfaction means I don't have to keep upping the stakes in my life to get turned on.
Are you thinking, huh? Say more, yan.
Are you at least getting a little curious?
Are you not needing me to say any more and are actually thinking, ‘Say less, yan’ because you're in on this secret to joy?
Whichever it is, you’re all invited to join me this week in two separate pursuits of pleasure:
Listening to the book, Pleasure Activism by one of my personal heroes who I am following daily during this heated political season, Adrienne Maree Brown.
Yan River Peach Poem challenge from Aug 26th-Aug 31st.
The first requires no instructions, But let me tell you how to jump in to Number 2, where we both reconnect to our inner Han Solo.
First, click on the link above to see what the heck Yan River Peach Poem is all about. Once there, peruse the hashtag to get a sense of how the challenge vibes.
And if that doesn’t sell you, here are the cold, hard, facts:
Basically, if you don’t want fate to cast a plague on both your houses, every day during the challenge you gottta:
🍑 eat a peach
🍑 get in some water
🍑 write a poem
You are encouraged to share whatever the hell you want about it on social media and tag me so we can cheer each other on. I will also be creating a thread on substack where paid subscribers can share their photos and poems.
I should note; the challenge used to be that you had to jump in an ice cold river, but dammit, that only feels good on some days. Today all I wanted was a long bath. And because this is about PLEASURE, which is sometimes about doing what you want simply because you WANT to and because I will no longer dominate myself into some kind of false perfection after the manner of Luke Skywalker, I changed things.
May the force be with you.
Love,
Yan (don't make me do this challenge) Solo.
P.S. can't wait to read your poems! I already wrote one today and its kinda graphic. keep your eyes peeled for substack notifications from me if ya wanna read it.
P.S. IMPORTANT HOUSEKEEPING ANNOUNCEMENT!!! There is a Q&A this Thursday at 12:30 for paid subscribers. You will get a link 24 hours before the Q&A begins to join.
This week is special because I wanna give you in length personal advice on wherever you are at in your business, project, or creative process. So come ready with an obstacle SPECIFIC TO YOU, that you need eyes on. Think of it as mini creative counsels. I’ll get to as many of you as I can.